ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize