I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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