You really coming over, don't trick.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize