there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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