I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
