If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
