so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
