dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
