I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
