Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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