i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Randomize
