I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
