ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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