Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
