you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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