these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
