...so i touched it.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Pants are for mortals
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
