this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
