i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
