My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
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