literally had 100 drinks last night.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Drunk is a universal language darling
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize