I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
