This dress was meant to end up on your floor
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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