Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
