Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize