I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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