I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
