Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
