i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Damn victory sex feels great
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
