she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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