so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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