where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
