So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize