I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
