Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize