i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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