My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize