I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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