first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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