Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
