Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
