Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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