I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
