your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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