Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Randomize
