I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
