I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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