My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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