Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
