Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
