So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
